Wow I haven't posted in 2 years, and I didn't say goodbye.
Whats new...
I'm kinda in a long distance open relationship with a guy I've never met, though I've mentioned him in a past entry here I believe.
I'm graduating school soon.
I'm generally happier than how I had been before...
I mainly use tumblr now, though I don't really write descriptive posts as I did here. I should, but I have friends who follow me, and I don't like them knowing my private little thoughts...
Hmm... I might as well return then =P
I missed you guys.
- Follower
February 6, 2012
March 11, 2010
Oh Happy Dagger =]
The throbbing pain in my head can yet to compare the pain in my chest
But both, working in unison, as a team, are slowly but surely succeeding in their attempts to conquer me
Alas, tomorrow will be the last day that I endure the agony behind my chest.
For the week of rest follows suite.
Ergo, I undergo half the pain that will return to full in a week’s time.
Looking at this positively, then negatively causes each to cancel each other out.
So, I have nothing to look forward to.
In addition, I’ve nothing to dread.
So what, in turn does that leave me with?
The relentless rhythmic pounding in my head, the tightening in my chest
And the knowledge that it will never end.
This sucks.
-Follower
But both, working in unison, as a team, are slowly but surely succeeding in their attempts to conquer me
Alas, tomorrow will be the last day that I endure the agony behind my chest.
For the week of rest follows suite.
Ergo, I undergo half the pain that will return to full in a week’s time.
Looking at this positively, then negatively causes each to cancel each other out.
So, I have nothing to look forward to.
In addition, I’ve nothing to dread.
So what, in turn does that leave me with?
The relentless rhythmic pounding in my head, the tightening in my chest
And the knowledge that it will never end.
This sucks.
-Follower
February 15, 2010
I've Undrawn the Moon
Hello world.
Yeah, I stopped writing.
I could no longer bare to look at the words I've writen onto these electric pages.
I prefered to keep my mind blank of certain past events.
My blog is dark. In appearance I mean.
Not that my life is lighter now.
Can I not have a mix of two?
A happier page with deep dark lines.
Showing what my life will someday be.
If I can will it so.
If God himself wills it so?
Although, I took these pictures myself, the ones of my layout.
Ahhh. I'll think of something.
Night.
-Follower.
Yeah, I stopped writing.
I could no longer bare to look at the words I've writen onto these electric pages.
I prefered to keep my mind blank of certain past events.
My blog is dark. In appearance I mean.
Not that my life is lighter now.
Can I not have a mix of two?
A happier page with deep dark lines.
Showing what my life will someday be.
If I can will it so.
If God himself wills it so?
Although, I took these pictures myself, the ones of my layout.
Ahhh. I'll think of something.
Night.
-Follower.
September 9, 2009
She Lives.
I havent written in a while. So I guess I'll give you a looong one. =]
Ooooh and this is dedicated to one on Gurl. Enjoy.
10 Ways To Know You Have No Life
1. You're bored practically all the time
check.
2.You spend time writing "rawr" and drawing the "=]" face at any chance you get
cheeeck
3. You've spent so much time online, you basically have an internet boyfriend
checkamundo
4. You worry that you're internet boyfriend is mad at you and may want to "break up with you"
Oh, do I have to admit this one?
5. You barely remember your last real boyfriend
Is he really worth remembering?
6. You worry about little incidents for a whole day, weeping endlessly over them
Check: Like a baby
7. Your idea of entertainment is burning a funnel cake
I can barely believe this one.
8. You've spent more than an 3 hours daydreaming about fictional characters
Desperate much? Check.
9. You tried to get a head start on school by reviewing your old notes
yes, I've gone this far
10. You cry, just for something to do
yyyyuuup.
Gawd, how did this happen to me?
Whatever happened to the euphoric bliss that used to surround me, radiating off me like
the rays of the sun against the glass of my bedroom window?
I'm just kidding, I was never so lucky.
Not to say that I'm lucky now. Now, I just feel miserable. I once thought my sky was grim but
now as the bigger, darker clouds have eclipse it entirely and begin to rain heavily, I realize that I
was living the life.
And I can't exactly pin point its source.
On sunday, I went to wonderland again, but this time with my church.
We divided into groups and I went with my friends. We were supposed to meet back at the car at a
certain time but we werent sure what time it was supposed to be. We do, eventually, show up.
Everyone was mad at us for being late. I, speaking for myself, do not like to be upset with,
especially with people I don't consider full adults, worthy of submission.
Anyways, I felt the uncontrollable urge to defend myself so I yelled back.
Everyone was shocked, angered.
Why?
I am seen as an angel. No I wouldn't go that far. A very good, quiet girl. To have me shout back
like that was apalling to them.
How could I have let myself slip like that.
And, being me that no one really knows, I was overuled by such immense guilt, shame, that I wonder
if I'll ever be able to bring myself back to them. One line that stood out during their yell at me individually,
that someone said very quietly but for some reason seemed loudest to me, was "I never knew she was like that."
I am not like that, nor do I want to be known as such.
But when somethings are done, they're done. No turning back.
Another thing is that I expected at least one of my friends to back me up, for they all
felt the same way I did. They just chose to let me take the fall.
I wish it were possible to just eliminate all of them from my life, so I wouldn't have to think
about it anymore. Unfortunately, my mother would ask questions and... And I rather she didnt, 1, because I didn't
have an answer she'd want to hear and 2, becuase I don't want her to hear an answer from them.
"What did you guys do to my daughter that she never wants to come back to church?"
"What did we do? You should ask her what she did. Teach that little devil some manners."
I was hoping writing this out would allow me some relief. But alas, it has only made things worse.
It was almost shut up in the back of my mind, although constantly leaking acid into my thoughts, although it would
surely re-open this comming weekend, it was sealed enough for the moment. But now, in order to
re-tell the events, I had to open it all the way. Its gonna take another 2-3 days to close it once again.
Great.
Look, I'm just gonna shut up, end this here, before I end up opening drawers I had long forgotten about
For they still hurt, like fresh wounds, because they were never healed.
Ooooh and this is dedicated to one on Gurl. Enjoy.
10 Ways To Know You Have No Life
1. You're bored practically all the time
check.
2.You spend time writing "rawr" and drawing the "=]" face at any chance you get
cheeeck
3. You've spent so much time online, you basically have an internet boyfriend
checkamundo
4. You worry that you're internet boyfriend is mad at you and may want to "break up with you"
Oh, do I have to admit this one?
5. You barely remember your last real boyfriend
Is he really worth remembering?
6. You worry about little incidents for a whole day, weeping endlessly over them
Check: Like a baby
7. Your idea of entertainment is burning a funnel cake
I can barely believe this one.
8. You've spent more than an 3 hours daydreaming about fictional characters
Desperate much? Check.
9. You tried to get a head start on school by reviewing your old notes
yes, I've gone this far
10. You cry, just for something to do
yyyyuuup.
Gawd, how did this happen to me?
Whatever happened to the euphoric bliss that used to surround me, radiating off me like
the rays of the sun against the glass of my bedroom window?
I'm just kidding, I was never so lucky.
Not to say that I'm lucky now. Now, I just feel miserable. I once thought my sky was grim but
now as the bigger, darker clouds have eclipse it entirely and begin to rain heavily, I realize that I
was living the life.
And I can't exactly pin point its source.
On sunday, I went to wonderland again, but this time with my church.
We divided into groups and I went with my friends. We were supposed to meet back at the car at a
certain time but we werent sure what time it was supposed to be. We do, eventually, show up.
Everyone was mad at us for being late. I, speaking for myself, do not like to be upset with,
especially with people I don't consider full adults, worthy of submission.
Anyways, I felt the uncontrollable urge to defend myself so I yelled back.
Everyone was shocked, angered.
Why?
I am seen as an angel. No I wouldn't go that far. A very good, quiet girl. To have me shout back
like that was apalling to them.
How could I have let myself slip like that.
And, being me that no one really knows, I was overuled by such immense guilt, shame, that I wonder
if I'll ever be able to bring myself back to them. One line that stood out during their yell at me individually,
that someone said very quietly but for some reason seemed loudest to me, was "I never knew she was like that."
I am not like that, nor do I want to be known as such.
But when somethings are done, they're done. No turning back.
Another thing is that I expected at least one of my friends to back me up, for they all
felt the same way I did. They just chose to let me take the fall.
I wish it were possible to just eliminate all of them from my life, so I wouldn't have to think
about it anymore. Unfortunately, my mother would ask questions and... And I rather she didnt, 1, because I didn't
have an answer she'd want to hear and 2, becuase I don't want her to hear an answer from them.
"What did you guys do to my daughter that she never wants to come back to church?"
"What did we do? You should ask her what she did. Teach that little devil some manners."
I was hoping writing this out would allow me some relief. But alas, it has only made things worse.
It was almost shut up in the back of my mind, although constantly leaking acid into my thoughts, although it would
surely re-open this comming weekend, it was sealed enough for the moment. But now, in order to
re-tell the events, I had to open it all the way. Its gonna take another 2-3 days to close it once again.
Great.
Look, I'm just gonna shut up, end this here, before I end up opening drawers I had long forgotten about
For they still hurt, like fresh wounds, because they were never healed.
April 20, 2009
Upset.
Omg.
Here I am. Writing to you yet again. I little more often than usual but that's okay.
I'm upset. Ha, no surprise there. About what? Nothing important. It's nothing that would make me say "I hate my life" or to make me want to cry openly.
1.I'm upset about church. I don't want to go there anymore. It's not that I'm loosing my faith or anything. I just don't like it there. I don't like the people. I don't like the functions. I just don't like it.
2.I'm upset about my weight. Why the hell am I such a fat ass?
3.I'm upset about the rain. Rain brings worms. Worms are my worst nightmare. I literally want to scream and run whenever I see them.
4.I'm upset about my school trip. I can't go. They're going to watch a play of Romeo and Juliet. I can't bring myself to ask my mom for money. It sounds way too greedy. The trip costs $35.
5.I'm upset about my dad. He's gone on vacation. Without me. I want him back… Now.
6.I'm upset about the Twilight Bandwagon. I'm sick of how the majority of twilight fans are fake.
7.I'm upset that I'm still here, in tech class.
8.I'm upset that I haven't seen my nephew in awhile. A long while.
9.I'm upset about my scars. Just adding onto what is already ugly.
10. I'm upset that people don't know – Don't realize – how upset I really am today.
-Follower
April 17, 2009
Tech Class
Yes, it's me, the follower! Who would have guessed? Not me. Lol
I'm in tech class right now, as you would have guessed, due to the title… Okay yeah, I'm stating the obvious. I hate Technology class. Why, my dear follower, you ask?
WHY?!
Because its boring. Its not that it's boring exactly, Its that its so essential… And I'm an academic kind of girl, you know? I realize that this is not the normal way I usually write to you but…. This happens as a result of extreme boredom. This, my friends, is what my brain sounds like in tech class.
Wow, so its easy, shouldn't that be a good thing? You would think, wouldn't you?
Well…. I guess that's the only positive side to this class. How basic it is. I'm a computer hacker, and this class is trying to teach me how to type. Lol, I guess right now, I have no clue what I'm doing then, do I?
But, I… I get so bored! And I sit beside weirdoes. One of them is trying to read what I'm typing but he can't because I minimized the screen as much as possible.
Yupp.
My Tech teacher is so friendly. So friendly that it could almost be patronizing. But I still like him. That's another plus.
I wanna describe the wierdoes.
One, is very masochistic. Arrogant. Like "Yeah, who's the man? That's me" kind of guy. He makes me mad.
Next to him is some kid. He's short, dweeby. And he's constantly staring at me.
Gawd. Let this end.
-Follower
March 9, 2009
Sans Y- Chromosome
I've been meaning to write this a long time ago.
But, you know, I just get so lazy sometimes. Okay, so most of the time.
Yeah, so a few weeks ago, being the female that I am, my period came a bit unexpectedly. Anyways, I was at home so I'm sorry to burst your bubble, this isn't about me bleeding in public. I went room to look for a pad when I realize that I have none. Zip. Nada. I called my mom's cell, she was at work, and told her to buy some on her way home. She comes home at midnight so I ussually dont see her till the following morning.
Morning comes and I go to her and ask if she bought them. "OH! I'm so sorry. I forgot." Typical.
I'm in my room using the computer and I hear my mom say to my dad "She has to buy something so take her." My brother works at a drugstore and my dad was going to drop him off.
"I told your Dad to take you, 'kay?" My mom says, appearing at my door.
So yeah, I go dress up and we leave. We're in the parking lot when my Dad's like "Can you go buy whatever you're buying by yourself?"
"But wait. Who's paying?"
"Your brother," my dad says.
"No Im not," my brother retorts
"I only have a 20 which I need" says my dad.
"Oh, I get a discount" my brother remembers. "How much will it be?"
"What are you even buying?" My dad finally asks. I wonder what took so long.
"Oh.... nothing....something...."
So all 3 of us enter the store. I don't go there often so I felt like a lost puppy. And my brother was oh so kind enough to help.
"Okay, really. What are you buying?"
"...feminepaper" I anwer.
"What?"
"...feminepaper" I repeat.
"What??" he looked so puzzled.
"I SAID FEMININE PAPER!" I yelled. Gawd how embarassing.
My brother stood there thinking. After like a minute he bursts out "OHHH!!! Oh... Oh um its over there."
No, the story does not end here, my fellow followers.
So after choosing one, all three of us, my dad was looking at an Obama magazine cover, walk to the counter to pay for the item. I'm guessing the cashier heard my little outburst because she was barely containing her laughter as I stood there.
"So... Um... who's um.... buying this" She says through her barely stiffled laughs.
"I am" says my Dad. Which made me laugh.
"I am too" said my brother. I had to cover my face.
Finally, after it was all over and I went home, I gave my mom a good guilt trip for not buying it.
It had to be done.
P.S. I hope you like my new layout. It's still under construction though. I did take those photos myself.
But, you know, I just get so lazy sometimes. Okay, so most of the time.
Yeah, so a few weeks ago, being the female that I am, my period came a bit unexpectedly. Anyways, I was at home so I'm sorry to burst your bubble, this isn't about me bleeding in public. I went room to look for a pad when I realize that I have none. Zip. Nada. I called my mom's cell, she was at work, and told her to buy some on her way home. She comes home at midnight so I ussually dont see her till the following morning.
Morning comes and I go to her and ask if she bought them. "OH! I'm so sorry. I forgot." Typical.
I'm in my room using the computer and I hear my mom say to my dad "She has to buy something so take her." My brother works at a drugstore and my dad was going to drop him off.
"I told your Dad to take you, 'kay?" My mom says, appearing at my door.
So yeah, I go dress up and we leave. We're in the parking lot when my Dad's like "Can you go buy whatever you're buying by yourself?"
"But wait. Who's paying?"
"Your brother," my dad says.
"No Im not," my brother retorts
"I only have a 20 which I need" says my dad.
"Oh, I get a discount" my brother remembers. "How much will it be?"
"What are you even buying?" My dad finally asks. I wonder what took so long.
"Oh.... nothing....something...."
So all 3 of us enter the store. I don't go there often so I felt like a lost puppy. And my brother was oh so kind enough to help.
"Okay, really. What are you buying?"
"...feminepaper" I anwer.
"What?"
"...feminepaper" I repeat.
"What??" he looked so puzzled.
"I SAID FEMININE PAPER!" I yelled. Gawd how embarassing.
My brother stood there thinking. After like a minute he bursts out "OHHH!!! Oh... Oh um its over there."
No, the story does not end here, my fellow followers.
So after choosing one, all three of us, my dad was looking at an Obama magazine cover, walk to the counter to pay for the item. I'm guessing the cashier heard my little outburst because she was barely containing her laughter as I stood there.
"So... Um... who's um.... buying this" She says through her barely stiffled laughs.
"I am" says my Dad. Which made me laugh.
"I am too" said my brother. I had to cover my face.
Finally, after it was all over and I went home, I gave my mom a good guilt trip for not buying it.
It had to be done.
P.S. I hope you like my new layout. It's still under construction though. I did take those photos myself.
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